I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
