batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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