I puked a lego.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize