I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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