I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
