Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
