Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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