smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
