Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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