im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize