he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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