I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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