woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
