she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
