just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize