I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
