And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
