I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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