Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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