he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
