You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
