Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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