Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that may or may not have been my penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
