Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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