The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
