PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
