Umm I'm too high to move.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
