She is in my trunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
