I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
