Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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