I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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