My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
smell my finger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize