do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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