I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
