Yo dont text me then not text me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
