i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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