this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
