I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
