i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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