Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
