He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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