absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
