i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize