Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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