At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
