what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
