P.S. I can't hear my feet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize