i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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