We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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