i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
