today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
