Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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