man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
