I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
