p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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