Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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