Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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