That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
