I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
