The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
