I just cut my nipple shaving
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
