my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
