Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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