Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
