her vagine was all disorganized.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
