Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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